'Jonathan' is the oldest land animal on Earth

(404media.co)

139 points | by gumby 12 hours ago

18 comments

  • thelastgallon 0 minutes ago
    We don’t need to cure death. Just hair loss and old skin, it will create 50T market cap in new companies.
  • echelon_musk 13 minutes ago
    I wonder where else the oldest land animal could be, if not on Earth?
    • rpozarickij 1 minute ago
      English isn't my native language, but to my eyes it looks like writing "'Jonathan' is the oldest land animal" lacks context/completeness for an article title. Perhaps "'Jonathan' is the oldest known land animal" could add some mystery, but "'Jonathan' is the oldest land animal on Earth" sounds more attention-grabbing.
  • scun 8 hours ago
    > The results revealed that Jonathan has “unique gene variants in most aging pathways” including DNA repair, insulin regulation, mitochondrial function, and “low entropy” methylation, reports the study.

    min-maxing longevity vs speed and charisma

    • luipugs 7 hours ago
      I dunno, I think he's pretty charismatic. He has all these researchers wanting to spend time with him.
      • scun 7 hours ago
        Sure but biologists will talk to anything. You know what happened to the other tortoises? Bored to death.
      • SwtCyber 1 hour ago
        He's basically been networking for 194 years without ever leaving the garden
      • PalmPilotProMax 4 hours ago
        Yeah, but is he more charismatic than Bryan Johnson?

        Wait till he gets his hands on turtle semen and peptides

      • DrMandalay 2 hours ago
        The oldest gay tortoise there is. You can hear the grunts when he and Frederick are fucking from the other side of the valley.
    • SwtCyber 1 hour ago
      To be fair, he's had 194 years to work on his charisma. At this point it's a choice
    • kspacewalk2 5 hours ago
      The hare really ought to take notes
  • usernametaken29 4 hours ago
    Hell yeah I’m down to become a turtle. Lay by the beach. Eat kelp. Awesome
    • saidnooneever 2 hours ago
      it kinda looks like he was taken from his home as a toddler and put in jail for like... 180 years or so?. very romantic indeed.
  • frereubu 1 hour ago
    No point staying alive if you're not healthy. This is a great podcast about the difference between lifespan and healthspan: "To start our new series about what it means to live in a world of ageing populations, David talks to geneticist Adam Rutherford about the benefits and pitfalls of increasing longevity. Are GLP-1s – drugs like Ozempic, Wegovy and Mounjaro – miracle cures that will extend human lifespans? What happens if longer lives do not coincide with better health? How far can life extension be pushed? And who wants to live forever anyway?" https://www.ppfideas.com/episodes/an-ageing-world-lifespan-v...
    • dataflow 1 hour ago
      > No point staying alive if you're not healthy.

      Maybe not for you, but others would beg to differ?

      Darwin apparently had debilitating illnesses at 72 (one year before his death) when he published a book on earthworms and their role in forming soil. And Pasteur was apparently paralyzed at 63 when he developed the rabies vaccine. Etc.

      Should they have just kicked the bucket when they lost their health, because of the pointlessness of living past that?

    • varjag 1 hour ago
      Luxury problems.
  • throwaway2046 5 hours ago
  • totetsu 6 hours ago
    Why was the us space force involved?
    • poooogles 24 minutes ago
      I'd guess that the samples got flown through RAF Ascension Island which the Space Force operate at.
    • gumby 6 hours ago
      He has a pm unusually large volume and has been around an unusually long time and they are the group responsible for anomalies in space-time.
  • dyauspitr 8 hours ago
    Interesting so the oldest land animal hasn’t cracked 200 but stuff that lives in the sea can go for five or 600 years or more.
    • SwtCyber 1 hour ago
      Apparently the secret to living 500 years is to move somewhere cold, avoid sunlight, and never be in a hurry
    • mrheosuper 6 hours ago
      Maybe leaving the water is a mistake...
      • bmitc 5 hours ago
        Whales seemed to have figured that out.
        • altmanaltman 3 hours ago
          I mean their ancestor was a land mamal that decided to go live in water so they kind of did figure it out.
    • epolanski 8 hours ago
      There's sharks out there that are much older than the United States.

      And sponges older than pyramids.

      • loloquwowndueo 6 hours ago
        Older than the United States hahaha.

        Remember the saying : in the US, 100 years is a long time; in Europe, 100km is a long distance.

        • autoexec 5 hours ago
          It's still pretty long in the US. Over an hour by car, and even for people who bicycle regularly riding a century is no joke.
          • rootusrootus 5 hours ago
            By that same sort of metric, 100 years is a long time in Europe, too. Not too many people live that long.
        • rootusrootus 5 hours ago
          How pedantic can we be? There are a number of countries in Europe younger than the United States...
          • otherme123 2 hours ago
            And we europeans consider them young. What we are pointing is that people in US (and America in general) talks about pre-1776 stuff as they were prehistoric, and pre-1900 stuff as they were comparable to Roman ruins. Add to that that we love to bomb each other to a ruble, and buildings and countries younger than 200 years are viewed as temporary stuff. Nothing pedantic or snobby here, just pointing that we live in different scenarios that affected our views.
          • skrebbel 3 hours ago
            It’s more like US people look at a couple 100yo buildings and say stuff like “wow this place has a lot of history!”
        • tick_tock_tick 5 hours ago
          Isn't the USA older then pretty much every country in Europe? Maybe the UK could be considered older depending on how you count it and San Marino is there but all the other major ones like Germany, Italy, France, Spain, etc aren't even 100.
          • Scandiravian 5 hours ago
            How in the world can you claim that France is not even 100? The German empire was established in 1857, which is definitely more than 100 years ago; it's also not unreasonable to say that the HRE could be equated to the German state, that Spain is the continuation of Castille, and that the Roman empire can be considered the direct precursor to Italy

            There's a cultural through line for all these countries, often stretching back thousands of years, which means that they reach further back than the definition of the modern state

            • higginsniggins 3 hours ago
              If you're gonna give them credit for stuff like that, then you need to at least give credit to the United States as far back as the Pilgrims in the 1600s.
              • Scandiravian 2 hours ago
                Perhaps, they were certainly foundational in establishing traditions that are now part of American culture, but even 1600 is young compared to many, if not most, European countries

                The Franks made Paris their capital in the 5th century, so that still ~1100 years earlier

                The Germanic people exists in records from the 1st century

                Whether you can consider Spain as originating from Hispania of the Roman Empire, which would place it in the BCs, or you are more conservative and say that it doesn't count until after the reconquista from the Umayyad, we're still around the 10th or 11th century

                As for Italy, we're again in BCs with the Roman empire

                So yes, in comparison to many European countries, the US is a very young country

            • BuyMyBitcoins 3 hours ago
              Perhaps they referenced a source that only considers the French Fifth Republic as “France”? That would give it an age of 68.
              • Scandiravian 2 hours ago
                Perhaps, but that would by all accounts still be a pretty silly thing to do. It's not like another group of people with a different cultural background invaded France and displaced/killed everyone already living there

                A person with a French citizenship from the fourth republic was still a French citizen when the fifth republic was established

          • jbarberu 2 hours ago
            Sweden would like a word...
          • bmitc 5 hours ago
            It's interesting how arrogant Europeans can be towards the U.S. when they themselves seeded the U.S.!
          • bdangubic 5 hours ago
            My Dad has a vacuum cleaner that is older than USA
      • stubish 4 hours ago
        And Orange Roughy, available in Australian fish and chip shops, spawned around the same time as the first British colony there.
  • rectang 2 hours ago
    > He Could Hold the Secrets to Defying Death

    The struggles for limited resources among humans marooned in a finite ecosystem will not allow us to defy death. When natural causes no longer reduce our numbers sufficiently, we will be winnowed through an unceasing epidemic of violence. So long as there are births, there will be deaths.

    If you thought the carnival of dementia brought about by modern medicine's gradual reduction of quick death was grim, just wait until medicine solves natural death entirely.

    Tortoises who give up their secrets to humans won't survive the cataclysm.

  • calacatta 6 hours ago
    Every couple Summers

    Me and a couple hunters

    Like to row in from the Isle of

    Astonishing M*erf*ers

  • Ancalagon 8 hours ago
    He doesn't look a day over 90!
    • F3nd0 6 hours ago
      > He doesn't look a day over 90!

      He still has quite a ways to go to 1485715964481761497309522733620825737885569961284688766942216863704985393094065876545992131370884059645617234469978112000000000000000000000. :-)

    • SwtCyber 1 hour ago
      194 is the new 90 apparently
  • antonvs 7 hours ago
    > Stephen Clark, an aging researcher

    Shouldn’t they find a younger researcher?

    • aix1 3 hours ago
      Ideally one called Jonathan?
    • fahrvrgnugen 4 hours ago
      To be fair, all researchers are aging.
  • repeekad 7 hours ago
    > the samples were delivered from Saint Helena to Florida by the U.S. Space Force.

    ...why space force?

    • sublinear 7 hours ago
      It's a remote area and USSF has operations in nearby Ascension Island.
      • DrMandalay 2 hours ago
        St Helena is where the minimum wage workers on Ascension come from. It only exists to provide cheap labour to Britain's Atlantic territories.
    • fnordpiglet 7 hours ago
      Because Trump, Musk, et al are hoping to live forever but their lifestyle is not very forgiving - hence all haste.
      • kQq9oHeAz6wLLS 6 hours ago
        Y'all see Trump and Elon in everything.
        • Mistletoe 5 hours ago
          [flagged]
          • roarcher 3 hours ago
            You think it's cringe because it was created by Trump (Musk wasn't involved, not sure where you got that).

            The Space Force's role was previously split across military branches with overlapping budgets and poor communication. And since space duties weren't the primary focus of any of those branches, they weren't taken seriously and career tracks within them were stunted, making it hard to attract talent.

            Hate Trump all you want, but if your analysis stops at "cringe", consider that you have nothing to contribute to the conversation.

  • verdverm 7 hours ago
    he's so old, he's completely lost the hare /j
  • SwtCyber 1 hour ago
    [dead]
  • stepwisecalc 3 hours ago
    ok
  • samudrijan 8 hours ago
    In the Leftovers people think living in Jarden is why they were left. Maybe St Helena is the new Jarden.
  • pil0u 8 hours ago
    Can't we just appreciate that exceptionality as it is?

    Somehow, I wish we would leave that creature alone. For once.

    • fnordpiglet 7 hours ago
      They did opt to swab his mouth rather than draw blood to minimize his discomfort. That seems like a pretty reasonable compromise for the value of learning and science
    • KylerAce 6 hours ago
      Because a spit swab is so invasive?